Light Seeker | 找到你的光

「我我常在交通工具上看世界地圖，看走過的里程數，看自己有多渺小，還是覺得世界很大，但真的沒有到不了的地方。」

－《路過這個世界教我的事》，黃于洋。

勇敢的唯一選項

人真的不會無緣無故變得勇敢，除非勇敢成為唯一的選項。

迎接挑戰、接受變化，我努力拼湊著對這個世界的理解。語言與溝通，作為人類生活中不可或缺的部分，越長大越能體會它的重量。我未曾想過，它竟然能對我產生如此深遠的影響。而最近，當我試圖在這一領域有所經營時，卻頻頻受到擊打。

然而，我知道這些遭遇不僅僅是生活的考驗，更是主耶穌對我的深切呼召。祂讓我看見，我尚未完全將自己交托給祂。事情的開端是，房東提出是否有機會提前交還屋子，而我們的計劃原是走完租期，即滿五年。如今在第四年的開始，卻突然有了這樣的變數，讓我的心陷入不安。

面對這突如其來的變化，我和夥伴不得不回到主面前，向祂尋求：「主啊，這是你的旨意嗎？你要我經歷什麼？你希望我看見哪些預備和恩典？」

在這樣的溝通過程中，我只能將心中的恐懼和害怕傾訴給主。因為我們實在無能為力，也無從得知為何事情會發生這樣的轉變。這些反思揭示了我內心深處的掙扎：我還未學會完全的交託。

尤其在面對房東這樣的「權威角色」，我的不安尤為強烈。這種溝通經驗喚起了我過往的創傷——我害怕通過這樣的方式與人交流，即便我清楚，房東並無針對我們的惡意，他只是出於自己的需求；而我們，也有自己的立場和困難。

但一切都在主的手中，無論我們如何憂慮、如何追問，都於事無補。我能做的，只有與夥伴一同禱告，將這一切再次交托於主。

「主耶穌，謝謝你！」我在禱告中說：「感謝你為我們預備了一切，並賜下憐憫的恩典。求你使我成為合用的器皿，得以見證你的作為！」

這次經歷讓我明白，真正的勇敢不只是應對外界的變化，更是徹底地放下自我，信靠主的安排。在祂的掌權之下，我們才能從恐懼中得著釋放，從軟弱中看見力量，從不安中找到平安。

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Courage: The Only Option

Courage doesn’t manifest without reason; it emerges when no other choice remains.

As I navigate life’s challenges and embrace changes, I find myself piecing together an evolving understanding of the world. Language and communication, integral parts of human existence, have become more meaningful with time. I never anticipated how deeply they would affect me. Yet, as I work to cultivate myself in this area, I’ve encountered a series of trials—setbacks that test not just my skills but my heart.

I’ve come to recognize these moments as more than mere obstacles; they are the Lord Jesus’ profound calling. He is revealing a truth I’ve avoided: I have yet to fully entrust myself to Him.

An Unexpected Change

This realization became clear when our landlord unexpectedly asked us to vacate our home a year earlier than planned. Our intention was to stay for the full five-year term, but now, in the fourth year, this sudden disruption has shaken my sense of stability.

Faced with this abrupt shift, my partner and I turned to the Lord for guidance. We prayed:
“Lord, is this Your will? What do You desire us to experience through this? What preparation and grace do You want us to receive?”

In these intimate conversations with the Lord, I poured out my fears and anxieties. I felt powerless, unable to comprehend why such changes were happening. Through this, I realized a deeper struggle within: I still wrestle with surrendering completely to Him.

Unveiling Inner Struggles

My unease was amplified by having to communicate with an “authority figure” like the landlord. Though I knew his request was not ill-intentioned, it unearthed old wounds and a fear of conflict. I dreaded the interaction, even as I recognized that his situation mirrored our own—each party with their needs, each navigating their challenges.

In the face of this, I was reminded that everything is in the Lord’s hands. Worrying or questioning would change nothing. All I could do was bring my fears to Him in prayer, surrendering once again.

A Prayer of Trust

“Lord Jesus, thank You!” I prayed. “Thank You for preparing everything ahead of us and granting us Your merciful grace. Make me a vessel fit for Your use, that I may testify of Your works!”

Through this experience, I learned that courage isn’t simply about confronting external changes. True courage lies in the surrender of self—letting go of control, fears, and doubts to trust in the Lord’s perfect plans. Under His sovereignty, fear transforms into freedom, weakness becomes strength, and uncertainty is replaced with peace.

A Lesson in Faith

This unexpected turn of events wasn’t merely a disruption; it was an opportunity to grow in faith. The Lord used this situation to teach me that courage is born not in our efforts to control life, but in our willingness to release it into His hands. Through Him, even the most unsettling changes become a part of His greater purpose—a purpose that reshapes us and draws us closer to His heart.

Would you like to refine or expand on any part of this reflection?