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「…什麼都想緊緊抓住的話是沒有辦法改變的，再說，什麼也抓不住，任何事情都一樣。」
「人生真的會不斷地給你驚喜，但是你要給它機會。活在過去的話，是沒有辦法理解的。」

－《路過這個世界教我的事》，黃于洋。

舊我已逝，唯餘蛻變

過去的自己早已遠去，不會回頭。我們懷念的或許並非曾經的自己，而只是記憶的片段。

在這短短五天的農曆新年假期裡，我與至少五十位親友重逢。對大家庭成長的人來說，這或許稀鬆平常，但我真正想探討的，是人與人之間深層連結的軌跡。在這些相聚中，我們是否曾在彼此心中留下印記？我們是否意識到，那個過去的自己已不復存在？而那些仍能與我們維繫聯繫、共享話題、同頻共鳴的人，又還剩多少？

與駐韓的朋友聊到租屋自由，因為公司提供住宿；與剛考上公職的友人談論國考的艱辛；與新手媽媽分享家庭的甜美與勞苦；與備考兩年的朋友推測成功的可能與時間；與基督徒同事討論家人離世後遺留下的張力、監視與不安，以及人如何為了尊嚴築起防線；與中國的創業友人交換心得，從供應鏈到產品設計、出貨，梳理著商業運行的脈絡。

事業不同，人生階段各異，然而我們的對話卻異常相似——圍繞著「未來的不確定性」與「自我接受」。但就在這不確定與接受之間，我們持續轉變。或許，環境變得陌生，彼此間多了幾分距離與棱角，但我們仍選擇重逢，因為我們相信那些共度的記憶。那些記憶中，有我們願意傾聽、理解、共鳴的時刻。正因這份信任，我們調整自己，再次契合，讓每一次相聚都嶄新而愉悅。

這也是教會生活帶給我最深的磨煉。外在雖漸漸衰殘，內在卻日日更新。這樣的更新提醒我保持新鮮的眼光，探索未知，擁抱變化，卻仍忠於本心——不僵化、不頑固、不遲鈍。我願靈巧像蛇，馴良如鴿，修補親情、重燃友情，編織更緊密、更溫暖的情感網絡，成為彼此生命中的光與依靠。

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The Old Self Has Passed, Only Transformation Remains

Our past selves are long gone, never to return. What we long for may not be who we once were, but rather fragments of memory.

During this short five-day Lunar New Year break, I met with at least fifty family members and friends. For those from large families, this might seem ordinary, but what truly intrigues me is how deep connections evolve over time. In our reunions, do we leave a lasting mark on one another? Do we realize that the people we once were no longer exist? And among those we still keep in touch with—the ones we can have real conversations with, those who still resonate on the same frequency—how many remain?

I remember talking with a friend stationed in Korea about the freedom of not owning a home since his company provides housing. I chatted with a newly appointed civil servant about the struggles of preparing for the national exams. I listened as a friend-turned-mother shared both the joys and exhaustion of raising a family. Another friend, after two years of rigorous studying, tried to predict his chances of passing an exam and how much longer it might take. A Christian colleague opened up about losing a family member and the tensions that surfaced—how fear and insecurity led to power struggles, and how dignity sometimes needs to be fiercely defended. Meanwhile, a friend in China spoke about the complexities of entrepreneurship, from securing a supply chain to designing products and managing logistics—mapping out the intricate process of building a business.

Despite our different careers and life stages, our conversations felt remarkably similar. At the heart of it all, we talked about uncertainty about the future and self-acceptance. And yet, in this space between uncertainty and acceptance, we are all in the process of transforming. Over time, the world around us changes, and we, too, develop edges, distances, and new contours. But we still choose to come together—because we trust in the memories we share. In those memories, we were willing to listen, understand, and care. And because of that trust, we recalibrate ourselves, bridging the gaps, making each reunion fresh and meaningful.

This, too, is what I’ve gained from church life. Outwardly, we may age, but inwardly, we are renewed day by day. This renewal reminds me to stay open—to explore new places, embrace new experiences, and remain true to my essence. Never stagnant, never rigid, never dull.

I hope to be as shrewd as a serpent and as innocent as a dove—mending family ties, rekindling old friendships, and weaving a stronger, tighter web of connections. I want to be a source of warmth and support in the lives of those I hold dear.